Healing
by Kang Mina
Summary: The world is slipping, slipping, slipping, and maybe someday it will slip into place. She is many things, and happy is not one of them. [Sakura-centric, slight SasuSaku]


"Thank you," he says, and the world is slipping, slipping, slipping, and all she can hear is the sound of her heart breaking.

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She means it, when she confesses to Naruto. Sakura is many things, but she has never been cruel. Sasuke has been gone for years, and she knows now that infatuation is not love. Naruto has always been there for her, has always known exactly what to say. How could she not love him, after everything they've been through together?

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Sakura doesn't love Sasuke. This is what she tells herself, even as her heart beats faster and the blood rushes to her cheeks at the sight of him, even as he's about to kill her. She doesn't love him, she doesn't love him, she doesn't – but maybe sometimes she does.

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Naruto loves Hinata. Sakura can see it in his eyes, and she is happy for him. She loves him, but isn't that love? Being happy for the person you love, even when you're falling apart. But why is she falling apart? The war is over and Sasuke is back and she should be happy.

But she is Sakura and she is many things, and unhappy is one of them. She thought she could save Team 7, but Naruto has Hinata, and Sai has Ino, and Yamato has never needed them, and Kakashi is finally healing. And Sasuke is…

Sasuke has Naruto, and he has Team Taka, and he is free to rebuild his clan. Everyone has what they wanted, and Sakura should be happy for them, but she's not. She's just empty. Nothing is harder these days than smiling for Naruto and pretending she doesn't dream of corpses on the battlefield and a kunai pressed against her throat.

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Sasuke stops her in the street six months after his return to Konoha. She blinks up at him; Sasuke has never once called her name like that, and certainly not in public. He's scowling down at her, and she's too tired to fake a smile today – she lost a patient today, and while it's not the same as losing a comrade in the war, the red on her hands is an uncomfortable reminder of memories she'd rather leave behind. She waits for Sasuke to speak; he doesn't. As she turns away, he says, so softly, "I'm sorry."

Sakura keeps walking.

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Kakashi comes to her, a few days later. She's training when he drops from a tree to land gently beside her; his Icha Icha book is nowhere in sight. "Sakura-chan," he greets. She can hear his smile.

"Sensei," she says quietly. She doesn't stop punching the tree. Her fists are bruised and unaided by chakra, her knuckles bleeding.

"I'm not your sensei anymore," Kakashi sighs, taking her wrists gently but firmly and pulling them away from the tree. "Maa, I might still have something to teach you." He wraps her bloodied hands in bandages and presses a pair of worn leather gloves into her hands. "Hurting alone doesn't help anyone, Sakura-chan." He disappears, and she stares at her hands for a long, long time.

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There's a note tapped to her front door. Sakura reads it silently. It's from Naruto, offering to take her to ramen or train whenever she wants. The bottom of the note is signed, "I'm always here for you, dattebayo!" Sakura takes the note down and re-tapes it to her bathroom mirror.

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Ino comes next, a vase of flowers held in her hands. Sakura accepts them gingerly, as if Ino were offering her a severed hand instead of flowers. "Smile more, Sakura," Ino says softly. "It makes your forehead less noticeable." She leaves with a kiss blown over her shoulder and sadness in her eyes. Sakura puts the flowers by Naruto's note.

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"It's alright to be depressed, Sakura." Tsunade's voice is quiet for once. Sakura stares at the floor, unable to meet her master's eyes. "There are things you can do, to make it easier, but you can't shut everyone out." Sakura leaves without being dismissed, and doesn't turn back, even when Shizune calls her name.

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In the end, it's Sai who makes her understand. He's painting on a bench – _her _bench, the one Sasuke left her on that night – and she sits by him. "Do you remember," he asks, after a long, comfortable silence, "when I was assigned to Team 7? I had a fake smile, you said." He raises his serious black eyes to hers. "I know a fake smile when I see one, Sakura." And the dam breaks and she cries – Sakura was never good at much, but she has always been good at crying – and Sai holds her – Sai, of all people.

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She listens to Tsunade and goes to counseling twice a week. She goes to ramen with Naruto and Hinata, and Kakashi takes her to the memorial stone so they can grieve their lost comrades together, their lost innocence. Sai teaches her to draw, and Ino brings her flowers and gossip almost every day. She learns to swallow the pills without complaint – antidepressants, Shizune tells her, and although she's a doctor, Sakura can't bring herself to care.

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The next time she sees Sasuke, she calls out to him. When he turns, she smiles at him. "Thank you," she says, and he slides his hand into hers and the world is slipping, slipping, slipping into place. Sakura is many things, and happy is not one of them – but maybe she could be, eventually.

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><p>AN: I found this in an old notebook, and I honestly have no idea. I always thought the war would have a negative effect on Sakura; working with the victims of war can cause PTSD, same as being in a war. So kind of a Sakura-centric out-of-nowhere fic. Reviews are appreciated :)


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